I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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