remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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