Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize