I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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