sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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