your room smells of hookers.
And success
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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