Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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