I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
