i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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