have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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