I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
