worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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