come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
