Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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