Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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