so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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