if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize