She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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