I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
