your parents love me but you hate me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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