Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
