i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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