so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
