Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
