oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
