And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
