I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
