I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize