I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
