Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
