he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
