can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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