He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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