Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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