This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
