I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
