so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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