Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
