so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
