"it" just moved
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
pop tarts are not kleenex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize