Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
