can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
