shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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