Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
