dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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