Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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