I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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