Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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