College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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