how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
