When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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