I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
