My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
