how can u be prego again
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
