i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
