There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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