It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
