You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
