distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
