The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My dad is sitting where you rode me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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