Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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