it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
