just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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