I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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