rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
