So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
