I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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