I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
